If you haven’t yet read Min Unplugged – Part 1, I highly recommend that you read that first before reading this.
How was I betrayed I hear you ask? I was betrayed in so many ways, but mostly it was my trust that was betrayed.
I really didn’t want to reveal any detail because without the whole picture, one snippet of detail can seem minimal, and by going into any of the detail, it also may give the impression that I am still stuck on this stuff. It’s been nearly a year. It has taken me a while – but I can honestly say that I no longer dwell on the past. However, in order to provide a little insight into the betrayal I felt – I will give just a little snippet. Keep in mind though, that there was a lot more to the whole picture.
Only the week before the incident, I had asked for confirmation of the period I would be continuing to act in this higher position. The exact words were “Oh you don’t need to worry about that … it will be at least another 12 months. Don’t concern yourself!”. Additionally, I had never had anything but complimentary and positive feedback on my work and the progress I was making from senior management, management, colleagues and peers. Work was ridiculously busy but rocking along well. In my mind, I had nothing to fear. I had at least another 12 months in the role, progress was being made and there was a happy, positive vibe all around me because of it. After inheriting such a chaotic mess – to see the progress, to have solid plans in place, to have such positive feedback – well it was exhilarating and exciting.
So … what was to come came as a complete shock. To this day, I still cannot understand why such a ridiculous plan was ever devised nor who initiated the idea. However, there is one person who had the final say over the plan and it is this person from whom I felt the most betrayal. This was a person I had worked closely with for a long time, who was my greatest supporter, who always complimented my work ethic and achievements and who only the day before the incident had interacted with me giving no impression that all was about to change. This person got someone else to do the dirty work.
I had an enormous daily workload. On top of that, I was about to launch and project manage a high profile project. I had told management that in order to better manage my daily workload as well as the project, I would need at least one other resource to assist with the project. They agreed and said they would get back to me. In a nutshell, the incident consisted of me being told that they had found a resource to help with the project. They would contract in a Business Analyst but because that was so expensive they could no longer afford to pay me at the level I was at. They were going to create a new position for me – at my substantive level (2 levels lower) – but I would continue to do all that I was currently doing except for ‘assisting’ the Business Analyst with the project rather than ‘managing’ the project myself. The project that I had carried on my shoulders alone for quite some time, that I had studied and sat exams for in order to ensure that I was equipped with all appropriate knowledge and skills required to do the best job possible. The project that I had already invested so much time and effort in, was excited about and had begun.
It gave me some pleasure to learn later that the idea of engaging a Business Analyst was knocked on the head by the CEO as an unnecessary extravagance and the same for the creation of the new position! They should have done their homework first.
Just after the incident I realised that there was no way I could possibly stay at work for the remainder of the day and function as if everything was ok and normal. I returned to my desk, collected my handbag and tossed it over my shoulder. I shut down my computer. It was then that a male work colleague came up to my desk and started talking business. He was a nice guy. We had a mutual respect and a great working relationship. He noticed my handbag on my shoulder and that my computer was shut down and said “oh – are you going home? Are you feeling sick?”. “Yes” – I said. “I’m not feeling very well”. He said he hoped I feel better soon, that he would let me go and that he would send me an email. “OK” I said. “I’ll read it when I get in tomorrow”.
I remember walking to the train. It was if my mind was disconnected from my body. I couldn’t feel the impact as my feet hit the pavement. I was conscious of the need to concentrate or I knew I would trip and fall. I was in shock. I was in deep distress. I was devastated. I made it to the train station and boarded the train. I was never usually on the train at this time of day and it was so unusually empty. There was the pick of seats. I kept my sunglasses on as I knew I was looking distressed and that there was the possibility of tears. I was aware of my heart racing and a strange buzzing feeling throughout my body. I still didn’t feel connected to my body. I tried to concentrate on the stops, afraid I would miss mine. I finally disembarked and robotically made my way to my car. I don’t remember driving home. I remember arriving home. I dumped my handbag and dove onto my bed. It was then that the tears begun. I can’t remember much else of what happened that day, except that the tears just would not stop.
Medically, I was affected both physically and mentally……
Read More in UNPLUGGED – PART 3.
The photos used to create this post’s banner image are not my own and photo credits are below.
Linking up today with Essentially Jess’s – #IBOT
Categories: General Mish Mash